Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
