i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
