I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
