I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
