smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
