The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
