i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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