Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I supernannyed him into submission
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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