True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
two words...techno handjob
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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