I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
