everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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