the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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