The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
