my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
