i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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