it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
