I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
