Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
