the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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