i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
this is an emotional support booty call
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
