Where is the hickey?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
