I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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