omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
