Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
