not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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