youre lurking in front of me
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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