Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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