it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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