The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
