so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
