just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
