CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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