He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Is it because I queefed?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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