you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
