areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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