i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
