she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Mom said you looked used
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
