this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
