Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
