moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
