I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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