Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
