I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
