I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
