I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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