If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
