I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
