Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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