I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
