don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
