We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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