So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
