just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
